JULIAN BAMFORD
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My Blog - Words of the Heart
My Blog - Words of the Heart
Blog
Thank you in a cup of tea...
| Posted on 22 February, 2017 at 22:58 |
comments (9007)
|
In this unique and
amazing role as a Funeral Celebrant - where work is ever fascinating, often times challenging,
and always rewarding and valued - gratitude appears in countless ways. In life like in all kinds of work, thank you... is a gift. Sometimes with a warm handshake or a hug, at others a brief written note - the deeper message of personal appreciation is carried between the lines, nothing more need be
said. Mostly
though it is unspoken – warm appreciation expressed through a glimmer of the
eyes, a small nod, a gentle smile over a sandwich and a refreshing cup of tea. So many names, people, faces among tears, speeches and tributes,
songs laughter and emotions, and for you each week it is so many more.  It is always a delight to look into the letterbox to see a thank you card or note delivered by the 'Postie' laying in wait in its
envelope - it's message, a warm thank you from the heart. Though now days of course the ‘posts’ arrival
is more often by the inbox with an email, quickly keeping in touch and inter-connecting us all. “I wanted to
touch base with you and thank you so much for everything yesterday. I got
so overwhelmed with people chatting to me that I did not manage to acknowledge
you, for that I apologise. You captured Dad’s life and story so beautifully. It
was soft yet powerful J.” Thinking of each service, each family, each passing, and glancing
through messages received over these seven years to now, among them quite
recently - the joyful gathering of family and friends for a Memorial held at
Wattle Park Chalet in January – with 150 people plus and 35 degrees in the
shade and every chair taken it was standing room only, with a group photo at
the end to remember the celebration. A mother, a dear friend, a partner, daughter, loving wife, a
husband of decades, only son, our gran, pa, a favourite aunt, a colleague, an
old mate, a lifelong friend. Gone. Each family’s message prompting awareness of what we do and
the knowledge of having made a small yet important and palpable difference.  “It was truly
amazing, and the way you weaved everything together was brilliant. Your warmth and compassion
were clearly evident... ...but so too was your sense of humour and you certainly “fitted the
family mould” beautifully. Robbie would
have loved you!!” Sometimes the words come with much pathos, at others brief,
succinct….hard to write, but pleased to send. “…just wanted
to send a short note to thank you again.” While from time to time there is a sense of relief carried on
the page through humour and observation. “…never seen so
many young and older men rush to be pall bearers – should’ve got an 8 handle!!
…. ...it was the best service they have ever been to, exactly what she would have
wanted.” On hearing each word spoken or seeing the sentiments penned,
added to the observant feedback of colleagues, brings a new insight into the
deep appreciation and gratitude people have for what we do - messages never
taken for granted - each a timely reminder to take stock and check
how we are traveling. How can one improve, what's needed, what did they hear and see,
what was missed, what went really well…. well done, be right there - every
time, they need us, they’re relying on us all to get them through. "Thank-you
very much for your caring manner in conducting the service for dad
today. our guidance and support was very much needed and
appreciated.... ...sincere gratitude and
thanks." And with each thank you, whether on the day or afterwards, it is
I believe a must to be shared with you - it is after all when the hearse has
gone, and the last cup of tea finished, we pack up things, our work done, our
roles complimentary, tuned to the family and the day. The confidence Conductors and Arrangers place in me again and again - to work with and present services for the families and clients is a precious responsibility and duty. Thank you. “Julian...once again, I would like to thank you
for your participation in Eric's "farewell" service.... I could
not have found anyone who would have suited the occasion better. Scott
was right saying he fits people to people, I am glad he chose you.”  These past few months - as things inevitably change, flat
out one week less so the next - and then it changes again. Such is the
way things are, impermanent and bound to change. The reality of life, death and the uncertainty which
every funeral service and memorial bring to the fore - for which in our roles
be it conductor, arranger, driver or attendant, mortician, celebrant or
minister, graphic artist, tea lady or Florist - we each face directly - these
things are all good teachers. And being the profession we are in it is good to be able to
say ‘g-day' from time to time, to ask how you’re doing, let you know I’m
here, and to say thank you. So keep well, be happy and lets stay in touch, till the next family walks through the door - and the
right fit see's your's and my role, skills and experience coming together once
again, in this amazing work we do helping all who ask for our help to say
farewell. With kind
wishes always.  Julian Julian Bamford Funeral
Celebrant & Master of Ceremonies |
How's it all going...
| Posted on 22 February, 2017 at 21:16 |
comments (2868)
|
In the
week-to-week world of funerals, as a celebrant working with and alongside conductors,
arrangers and many others, we each play an important role in all
that comes and goes with each service, and the natural sadness
and joys remembered, with the passing of someone loved. My dad is eighty-seven now and keeps an eye on
the Tribute pages in the daily paper, and awhile back told me that from time to time he sees an old
friend's name among the memorials. He often asks with that kind knowing look.…'how’s it all going?' I’ve come to see over these near seven years, a
pride in his eyes, having a son who works as a Funeral Celebrant.  Likely for most of us in this ‘profession of
end of life’ it was not generally a career, which we ran from school
shouting I’m going to be a Celebrant, a Funeral Conductor, a
Mortician. It is however, on
being a part of it, a most special, respected and unique responsibility to help so many
people in this vital way. It seems for those with far more years gone
than left to come, age and experience rings a vastly different take on the
value of things we do, the importance we place on them, and how valuable
others see it and us..! 'Yes, it’s steady...' I add, recalling years back when asked by a friend what work I do, and on explaining, he smiled in a very real, practical and warm hearted way saying 'very good, their will always be more to do' At a service a few months back at Bunurong Memorial
Park, where 150 or so family and friends of the deceased gathered – for a
Scotsman from Glasgow. The piper
played 'Will Ye No Come Back Again' and like in so many services, the
idea and reality spoken, that amid all the things we experience and see,
create, do and share, the conditions and situations we find ourselves, life is
ever changing... ‘...What has been gathered will be dispersed, what has been
accumulated will be exhausted, what has been built up will collapse, and what
is born will one day die’. Buddha What is it then we each do, we each bring to
our work, warmly welcomed, seemingly mundane, yet deeply cherished, so vital
to the doing of this unique job and important livelihood of ours.
When that voice on the phone, you as Conductor
or Arranger asks the Celebrant ‘Would you be available
next such and such a day and date?  We call the family and make contact, that
vital connection of human warmth. So begin the days - leading
up to those hours - when things stop for a brief time – and in the calm
quiet, those gathered from near and far, with tears and smiles from a
thousand different places – they say their personal and public thank you's and
farewell. Right there in our warm smile and readiness to
step up, in our unique ways, presence and style, we too gently ask ‘how’s it all going…?’ And there in those moments the hints and hallmarks of our talent
and compassion come forward. Our professionalism, friendliness, practicality
to bring it all together – from order of service to graveside committal
- the readiness to listen and learn, our cultural adaptability to tune
in to the nuances of human nature, life stories, amid bare emotions and the inherent
wish for happiness and freedom from suffering which we all have at heart.
In the very first funeral service I did in 2010 as a Professional Celebrant, which was at Le Pine Funerals Croydon, on meeting the family in the days before, the
teenage children asked me to read their dad's favourite poem. I'm not sure if he wrote it or someone else, but
it was special to them, because it was special to their dad. The sentiments
and aspirations are a gift for us all. ‘There is really nothing you must be, except yourself. There is nothing you must do, except be yourself. There is really nothing you must
have, except yourself. There is really nothing you must
know, except yourself. There is really nothing you must
become, except yourself.’  Of we the people and colleagues who work here, conductors, arrangers,
drivers and attendants, celebrants, printers & graphic artists, caterers
and the tea lady’s, florists and pipers, musicians and performers, AV specialists,
and many more… Together we bring all sorts of experience, sensitivity, kindness and compassion to help make that unfamiliar occasion - just that little
less sad, somehow more bearable, more real. And over cups of tea and sandwiches, and
handwritten notes in days and weeks to follow… ‘You did him proud’ ... 'she would have approved’ ….
‘You fitted the family mould
beautifully’ … ‘thank
you so much' To each conductor who have chosen me to work
with their families and clients, thank you for every one of those precious
gifts, and opportunities to serve again and again. Looking forward to the next time conditions entrust me to work with you. That's about it for now ... Best wishes,
of health, harmony and happiness, to you and your family for
2017. With kind wishes always. Julian Bamford Funeral Celebrant & Master of Ceremonies |
'Tuesdays with Morrie....' Lessons on Life, Death and Living
| Posted on 30 September, 2011 at 6:14 |
comments (951)
|
‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ Lessons on life,
death and how to live with it. Walking into the cafe from the bookshop next door, I ordered coffee, sat down and became immersed in 'Tuesdays with Morrie'. Looking up from time to time to see if the rain had
stopped outside, but with no intention to leave these pages.  I would make some notes then return to
the book for a few pages more. On the
front cover it read’s International Best Seller. Starting to
read it I quickly learnt why. Getting half
way down page 27 my eyes filled with tears for it is about someone who you have
no doubt lived, and wanted to tell you how he saw life and death as it was
coming toward him. Morrie said: "...I want to tell you about my life, I
want to tell you before I can't tell you anymore…..I want someone to hear my
story, will you?” You can
feel it in his words. The story of his last months, captured by his college
student of twenty years ago with great heart, authenticity and understanding. The blurb
on the back reads: “Maybe it was a grandparent, a
teacher or a colleague. Someone older, patient and wise, who understood you
when you were young and impassioned, helped you to see the world as a more
profound place, and gave you sound advice to guide your way through it.” The book is written as
a series of intimate lessons, of one to one discussions. He said to his student: “ask me anything....” Their first
class was on regret, for things not done and of wishing others one had never
done. So it is to be human. They engaged
in intimate conversation though to the end of his life, on: Death, Fear, Aging,
Greed, Marriage, Family, Society, Forgiveness, and A Meaningful Life. Morrie taught
through experience, he shared his own views the meaning of life, without holding back, and how to live it. Of
capturing the story and lessons in ones own life he said with such knowing. “....we're involved in trillions of
little acts just to keep going. So we don't get into the habit of standing back
and looking at our lives and saying, Is this all I want? Is something
missing?" Life
overtakes us so powerfully and convincingly. We each need someone to prompt us,
to look at what is important. Without someone
to push, in truth it will likely not happen, we all need someone to give us a prompt,
a shove. As the
writer Steven Covey has pointed out many times, we give little heed or time to doing
the things that are important but not urgent. "..standing on the tracks,
listening to deaths locomotive whistle, and he was very clear about the
important things in life”…Morrie
was his own prompter: He used his
own death to give that shove to his student. It reminded
me of something my own teacher often said “…..you’re hanging on by your fingertips to the last carriage of the last
train, hurry up…..” Time stops
for no one. Of living observed
Morrie to his student: "Life is a series of pulls back
and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else.
Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for
granted, even when you know you should never take anything for
granted." "A tension of opposites, like a
pull on a rubber band." Of what his
own situation brought, he said: “It's hard to
explain....(but)....now that I’m suffering, I feel closer to people who suffer
than I ever did before....I feel their anguish as if it were my own." At that
moment I recalled an image I had seen online recently of the Dalai Lama on one
of Melbourne’s funeral home websites. He was with Les Twentyman who had that
day received a gift of $100,000 from him to help homeless youth, who Les and
his team reach out too and prompt every single day. Every life is so very precious. Of what
life is and what always wins Morrie said simply: "Love wins, love always
wins." At that
point I put the book down and began to write this first blog. So with this
small introduction to this intensely personal recounting of the last months of Morrie
Schwartz’s life, I leave you.
Here’s the You Tube link to the television interview he did with Ted Koppel, and mentioned in the book, called
'Morrie: Lessons On Living' at http://youtu.be/dcnL2o385Gw Listen
for the lessons he shares toward the end.
I hope you can find the book in your local library, bookstore or maybe online
at Amazon, or even catch the 1999 film made about him, staring Jack Lemon With kind wishes always. Julian Bamford Funeral Celebrant & Master of Ceremonies |
